feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
