summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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