you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You were trust falling into bushes
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
