I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
