I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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