My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
