if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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