I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
COCAINE IS GR8
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
