Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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