Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
