The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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