i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
