even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
