Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
