the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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