after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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