Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
