Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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