why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I am mentally ready for anal.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
