I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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