he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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