This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
