She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
