Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
