Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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