Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
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I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize