the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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