'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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