We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
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You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
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I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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