I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
