I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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