The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
