Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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