I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He has the fingertips of a God
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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