I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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