Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
