using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
