I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
