I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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