I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i just had sex bonerless
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
