she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
