Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
