Me too!
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
