I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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