If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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