birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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