So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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