I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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