He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
