i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
