So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Randomize
