I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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