Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize