Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
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She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
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Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The Olympian is in my bed
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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