bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
