Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
