it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
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I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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