There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
