i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
