i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
How external is "for external use only"?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
