another moral hangover. fuck.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
