hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
