I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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