I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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