I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Everything about him screamed your future.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
