mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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