you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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