my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
