I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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