YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
