Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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