I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
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There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
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I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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