btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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