He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
