she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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