I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
