I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
