I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
