Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
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