I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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