don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I'm really busy with my period
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