Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
