oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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