she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
