Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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