i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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