I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
