So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
