so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
